Starting weight: 270
Today’s weight: 254
This entire weekend is a blur. It was so fast paced and go-go-go that I barely even had time to think about weight, diets or exercise.
I woke up this morning knowing that I would be heavier than when I left for the wedding. I woke up knowing that I would have to start fresh, once again. I woke up knowing that I was around 15 days behind my goal and where I should be.
But I refuse to be down about it and let the feelings spiral out of control, because when that happens, I binge eat.
Instead, I am allowing myself the freedom to say it’s okay, so what if you ate more than you should.
Right now is when I refocus. Not tomorrow, not next week, not even later today. Right this second.
I did not pay attention to food labels, gluten or sugar this weekend. I did the best that I could majority of the weekend. I thought it was going to be a lot worse.
Thankfully, my sister (the bride), made lots of gluten free options for me to enjoy. The only time I ate gluten on purpose was at the end of the wedding.
I saw my grandmother’s sugar cookies sitting on the table uneaten at the end of the night. The music had faded and everyone was leaving the wedding venue. But I saw those cookies, the cookies that I hadn’t had in almost 4 years and I had no idea when I would be in Pittsburgh again. Most likely, not for another decade.
I ate a whole handful of them and I am NOT sorry about it! Haha. Especially since my grandmother died in January, I didn’t know the next time I would ever get to taste her special cookies made by my aunt.
But today as I look at the scale, knowing I should be in the 230’s by now, I am once again reminded of my ultimate goal. I want to be a mom and feel better in my own body.
My husband came home from work today and ate cheese filled, ooey gooey breadsticks. I smelled the garlic wafting to my nostrils and I said out loud, As much as I want those breadsticks, I want a baby more. Those breadsticks will be there in the future for me to enjoy.
I cannot make any more excuses and I think I’ve done pretty good with that so far.
But I am realizing even more now, that I need to kick it into high gear if I’m going to actually reach my goal. I need to be more diligent with my food intake and exercise routine. It’s crazy to think we are almost 40% of the way to the finish line.
And I don’t want to reach the finish line and not have met my goal. I want to know that I did my best, sacrificed and worked hard to get there. I don’t want to say that I could have worked harder or ate better.
I know that I can do this. I have to do this.
This wedding was hard for me at times. I watched as my sister and all of her bridesmaids fit perfectly in their dresses. I on the other hand, was having wardrobe malfunctions all day. It was hard for me to watch them be so comfortable and look so cute in their clothes. I was honestly a bit jealous and cried about it more than once over the weekend.
At one point during the ceremony, I bent down to fix my sister’s train and I heard my dress violently rip. I panicked but tried to act natural knowing that some eyes were on me.
I had broken the hook that held my dress together and was unable to zip it all the way up the rest of the night. And after finicking with it for the first hour of the reception, I gave up and said screw it. As long as my dress doesn’t fall down, I just don’t care.
I danced the night away with my husband and quit caring about my dress. But I was more than ready to head home and get back on schedule.
It can be hard when you break your routine and schedule for a few days. Things can feel out of whack and hard to manage when you are used to a certain routine.
It’s time for me to get back in the gym, back to normal sleep and eating habits, and back on track. We can’t allow a change in routine to cause us to spiral out of control.
I’m just thankful to be home and back in a controlled environment. Back in my own home, gym and refridgerator!
I may not reach my goal of 230 on Friday as planned (because today I am 14lbs away from that!), but you can bet your butt I’m going to try! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And boy, is He strengthening me. Because I would have never been able to get back on track this fast before I started this journey.
God is transforming the way I think and approach food, and just that makes this journey worth it. But I know He will get me to that finish line as long as I trust Him and do my part.
Til tomorrow,
xo S