“Sometimes meltdowns are necessary to build you back up. But sometimes meltdowns are just unwarranted.”
Today is day 10 and I am down 8lbs total. I gained 1lb but I’m not gonna freak out about it. I’m growing and I’m learning…a lot.
I feel like every single day I am having some crazy revelation and breakthrough emotionally. For me, it seems as if I’m solving my own mind’s riddles and resolving a lot of conflicts that I have been struggling with.
This morning at church, I had a meltdown. Not a bad meltdown, but a necessary meltdown. I felt God begin to speak to me about some things that needed to be dealt with and could feel Him healing the broken pieces. I cried and just soaked it all up in God’s presence this morning.
One of the most important things we can do is take care of our thought life, because EVERYTHING stems from the thoughts running through our minds. When we learn to replace the lies with the truth, that is when we begin to see change happen.
So after a really amazing church service where I had my much needed meltdown, I proceeded to go home, put my workout clothes on and do my 22 minute BeachBody workout.
Sundays are usually my rest days, but I have a goal of completing an entire BeachBody workout program by the end of the year, so I didn’t want to miss a day.
I popped the DVD in and began the workout while my husband made some lunch in the kitchen.
Now, this workout is very intense, at least for me. I mean, I’m 100lbs overweight and just starting out. It is a hard core, fast paced cardio boot camp type of workout and I’m only 3 days into the program.
After the first 2 minutes, my heart began racing, sweat was dripping and I started screaming. And then the screaming turned into crying. And the crying turned into another meltdown.
This time, it was not a necessary meltdown.
It was an unwarranted meltdown.
I was self conscious being that my husband was in the room and he is naturally athletic, yet I couldn’t seem to even complete each exercise fully. I was struggling to do some of the full motions because I was sore and felt “too big” to even complete the amount of repetitions. I was screaming just to get through each rep and I couldn’t catch my breath.
At this point, I was getting so frustrated that I was unable to complete the workout and so embarrassed that I starting crying and throwing things.
Brandon was trying to calm me down from the kitchen saying that it would take time and to practice my breathing to help get me through the exercises. But I was over it. I was angry at myself, embarrassed of how I probably looked trying to do these exercises and trying not to freak out.
I went out on the porch and slammed the door, screaming, “I give up! I’m never gonna lose this weight anyway! It’s a waste of time!”
While staring at the palm trees and the pool from my porch, I finally got my breathing under control.
You just had a really good morning and now you are going to ruin it by allowing all those lies back in?, I thought.
This meltdown was unwarranted. I didn’t have a good reason to have this meltdown.
Because at least I am doing something, when I used to lay on the couch all day.
My body works and is getting stronger every single day, because I am putting in the effort and fueling it with healthy foods.
I shouldn’t be embarrassed because my husband encourages me and loves me no matter what.
It may be hard but I can do it. It will take time to get better and faster.
I cannot allow myself to get so emotional or believe the lie that I am a failure, because God tells me I’m whole and healed.
I am putting in the effort to grow every single day.
I don’t believe that meltdowns are always a bad thing because I believe they can also help to build you back up. But sometimes, you just don’t need to have a meltdown because at least you are trying. At least you are aware of your issues. At least you are working towards a goal and making progress.
And that’s all you can do. Keep getting better and doing things to benefit you every single day.
So maybe you need to have a necessary meltdown like I had at church today. Or maybe you shouldn’t be having a meltdown because you are doing the best you can.
Either way, every single day we can learn from the things we go through, meltdown or not.
You are strong. You are whole. You are bettering yourself. You can do this. You are enough.
And don’t let your mind tell you otherwise.
Catch up on the journey so far!
Day 1 The Starting Over
Day 2 The Daily List
Day 3 The Screenless Meals
Day 4 The Expectations
Day 5 The Dedication
Day 6 The Internal Listening
Day 7 The Disappointment
Day 8 The Bitterness
Day 9 The Grocery Haul