The key to marital bliss is simple, so simple in fact, that it took us over a year to get to this conclusion. Marriage is a place where you learn how to fight, you learn how to love selflessly and you learn the areas in which you are weak.
It takes work. It takes effort. It takes time.
After weeks of stress and tension, we came together to figure out a way to put our marriage first.
It was simple. So simple in fact, that we consider it the key to marital bliss.
Are you ready for it?
Every single night, we set an alarm that is about an hour before we need to be asleep. When that alarm loudly sounds, we put our phones down *gasp*.
“But I like scrolling before I go to bed,” you whine. Well, then I must ask you, is your phone time more important than your spouse? Ouch.
Yeah, it hurt me inside too. But I promise this works.
–When you alarm goes off an hour before bed, set your alarms for the next morning, plug your phone in and do not touch it again. Set out your clothes and whatnot for the next day. Brush your teeth and wash your grubby face.
Now, hop in bed next to your oh-so-gorgeous spouse and…
SPEND TIME TOGETHER.
Spend time together? That’s lame.
No, it’s not. Because there are some specific things that need to happen during this connecting time.
What should happen during this time together:
1 Get on the same page
Your bed has now just become a sacred place, where there are no distractions, no electronics. This is your time together.
Time to get on the same page in a judgement free zone. Talk about your day. Talk about your concerns. Talk about your kids.
Catch up on everything that you can possibly think of. Discuss things that need discussed. It doesn’t matter how riveting or boring it is.
Like if you paid all the bills on time, how your little toddler is now eating solid foods, how you wanna punish your disobedient teen, your grocery list, how you were feeling sad today or booking your dream vacation.
Focus on each other. Take time to listen to each other, without interrupting.
Your spouse should be your safe place, where you feel safe to talk about any and everything.
2 Get close & cuddle
Get under those covers and cuddle! Touch is such a powerful thing, that we should not take for granted.
When I snuggle up to my husband every night, I feel such relief. Relief from worry, doubt, sadness and anger. There is something so special about your arms being a “safe place” for your spouse and vice versa.
Healthline wrote an article about how touch (especially with someone you love) lowers blood pressure, boosts your immune system, relieves stress and anxiety and helps communicate emotions.
They are practically saying that cuddling MAKES YOU HEALTHY! We all could use an immune system boost and lack of stress, in the arms of the one we love most.
It also creates a sense of intimacy, which we can never have enough of!
Which leads us to…
3 Get intimate
‘Nuff said. Make time for intimacy. I won’t say that sex is the key to marital bliss, but I will say that it brings a level of intimacy to your marriage that strengthens your relationship and deepens your trust.
Have fun with it. Nothing is off limits in a consenting marriage relationship. God made sex to be so good and pure in the context of your marriage.
4 Find possibilities
My husband and I are very different in how we handle conflict and stress.
My husband gets quiet and tends to hold things in until they explode, like most of us. I like to talk things out immediately and fix everything right away.
My husband naturally finds problems unsolvable, while I only find solutions and possibilities.
Be the spouse that finds possibilities where there are problems.
When you talk at night, talk. Find solutions to the financial problems, the fertility or parenting issues, or the family problems you face, together.
You are better together than you are apart. You are no longer two, but one. Be united in that.
5 Remember the 3rd strand
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
When looking at the key to marital bliss, this is one of the biggest aspects. There are 3 of you in this marriage. Yes, the two of you become one when you join together in marriage. But there is a third piece to this puzzle.
When you both put God first, at the center of your marriage, things change drastically. In a really, really good way.
You no longer have to rely on each other to fill any voids. God fills your voids. You no longer have to rely on your spouse to make you happy, because it’s not their job.
They will fail miserably if you put them in the position of being the source of your happiness.
It makes you a better wife, a better husband, when you are relying on God above anything else.
Take this time together to put God first in some way. You can read a passage of scripture together, pray together or for each other, or take time just to encourage each other.
6 Dream & Reminisce
Take the time to dream together. Dream about the future. What you wanna do, where you wanna go, who you want to be together.
You may talk about your dream home, what you wanna do for Christmas this year, your future children or your dream anniversary vacation. Your options are endless.
In the same way you can dream together, you can also reminisce together. Laughing about that time a bird pooped on your head, how you met, or funny memories.
This is one of the most satisfyingly ways to end your night, a sweet sendoff. Thinking about all the things to come, how far you’ve come and the things you are striving for.
>>>
Not every night is going to look the same. Some nights there will be lots of talking. Some nights there will be lots of cuddling and dreaming. Some nights there will be lots of discussing and problem solving. Some nights you won’t be talking at all;)
I promise that if you take the uninterrupted time to spend together every night, you will find that the quality time you spend together truly is the key to marital bliss.
>>If you liked this, read about how to be the perfect wife here!
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