4/19 Starting Weight: 270
4/28 Today’s Weight: 256
14lbs down in the first 10 days! 86 to go!
I woke up this morning super excited to hop on the scale and remeasure myself. When I saw that the scale had gone down once again, I was so proud of myself. 256. 14lbs lower than I was 10 days ago.
As I talked about a few days ago, even after a short amount of time fully dedicating myself to this journey, I feel completely different. My mood, my body, my motivation.
When I was in my teens and twenties, my motivation was completely different than what it is now.
I was told multiple times by various people that I would never find an attractive man if I didn’t lose weight. That I’d never get the performing jobs that I wanted if I didn’t lose weight. I even had someone tell me to my face that my sister was prettier than me.
So my motivations back then weren’t for health. They were for success in certain areas of my life.
My New Motivation & the Intervention
When I wasn’t even looking, I finally met a man who fell in love with me for me. He didn’t care how much I weighed because he loved my heart. And when I married him, I no longer felt the need to impress anyone whatsoever. I was already loved by the only person that actually mattered to me. (And not to mention, he is a super hot, ripped man! And he fell in love with ME!)
His love for me showed me that size just didn’t matter if it’s meant to be.
This comfort also had it’s downsides as well. Because if he didn’t care what I looked like and didn’t judge me for what I ate, that gave me the freedom to gain weight and binge on food. And I ended up gaining 100 lbs from the time I met him til now.
He ended up sitting me down a month or two ago and actually had an intervention with me. And he has never even talked to me about any of this before.
He was sharing his heart and telling me how my eating habits were out of control. That it wasn’t about the number on the scale or how I looked, but that he could see I was spiraling fast. I wasn’t able to function normally. I wasn’t able to work because I felt so sick all the time. I was spending alot of our money on food that should have lasted me all month but only lasted a day. I wasn’t able to do anything because I had no energy. I didn’t have any clothes that fit because I outgrew them all.
He reminded me that we want a family and that my health is the most important thing, but that some things had to change. I quietly listened as he bravely told me how he felt.
I was embarassed that I let it get this far. Embarassed that I couldn’t even stand next to him without feeling bad for him that his wife was double his size. Embarassed that I only fit in sweatpants and have barely any clothes to wear that fit. Embarassed that I could have fixed this problem decades ago. Embarassed that I made myself sick when it was in my control the whole time.
I cried as I thought about these things. Thinking about how I wanted to be a mother, how I wanted to feel better and actually have a productive day, how I wanted to wear cute clothes and be more comfortable, how I wanted to raise my children in an active environment.
I wasn’t thinking about how I looked or impressing anybody. I wanted to feel my best, inside and out. I was finally ready to do this for me. Not my mother, not for a man, not for an acting role, not for my husband, but for me.
I want to challenge you to dig deep and identify what is your motivation for losing weight. Because if it is for somebody or something else, you will never do it. It needs to be so that you are living your best life in the best health, for you.
This newfound motivation is what I am reminded of every day that I look in the mirror. That I am aiming towards a specific future and goal, something that’s healthy and a desire that God has placed in my heart.
I am so excited to continue this journey! Only 90 days left to reach the goal! I believe it’s doable. I am just taking it day by day, moment by moment. It helps that I’m focusing on goals in 10-day increments. It makes it less overwhelming and more rewarding to look forward to.
Until tomorrow.
xo, S