I have endless beginnings.
How many times have you started a health or weightloss journey? Because personally, it is way too many to count. Hundreds, possibly, thousands of times.
I have collectively over the past 15 years, gained and lost over 1,000 pounds. If only one of those times would have stuck…
But that is what I am learning…not to get stuck in the past and “what if’s”, but to allow myself to let this just be one, singular journey that has ups and downs.
Every single moment can be a new beginning.
Last weekend, my little sister came to town and I was determined to take her to all the cool restaurants and places in Orlando, since it has so much to offer.
Granted, I am on a weightloss/health journey and I haven’t eaten out in about 4 months.
The first few days, I was still eating healthy and gluten free while we went out to eat. But the longer I left my routine, the harder it became.
By the time she left, I was debating eating oreo fluff and allowing myself a gluten filled pizza.
And you know what, I did. For the week after she left, I ate way more than I should of, ate gluten and sugar, and Lord knows what else.
But over the weekend, I really sat down to think about it. My husband kept saying, “Sierra, you are slipping. Better get back on track.” And I shushed him and continued to eat my homemade brie mac n cheese.
The idea of starting over overwhelmed me. I just put in 4 months of extremely hard work and threw it away for no reason.
Then I realized, it is a journey. There doesn’t need to be a definitive beginning or end, the whole thing is a journey and I am just on a certain part of it.
I had the choice to either continue to ruin my progress and make it take even longer to reach my goals, or I could just begin again immediately without overthinking it.
I overthink everything to a dangerous and emotional degree. That is how I have always been since childhood. I love feelings and emotions and even the hard feelings do not scare me, I enjoy feeling them. (I am an enneagram 4, if you couldn’t tell lol).
So I tapped into those emotions and allowed myself to get a little, well, depressed.
I soaked in a bubble bath with sad music and candles and contemplated my life for a while. It is very easy to get down on yourself when you fail. I have been seeing the scale creep up a few pounds since I started eating more unhealthy food. But why was I eating more unhealthy and slipping back into old habits?
I was emotional, feeling like I wanted to give up, forgetting why I started in the first place, forgetting the hard work I put in, forgetting what the goal is. I needed a reminder.
The truth that we need to understand is, every single moment can be a new beginning for you. You have endless beginnings. His mercies are new every morning and every second.
If God can forgive me for the stupid things I do, why can’t I forgive myself?
If Jesus can continually carry the cross even though he has been brutally beaten, why can’t I sacrifice a little bit too?
So today, I woke up and decided to start again. I am not starting this journey over completely because it is a journey! There are meant to be bumps in the road. But I have an end goal that I desperately want to reach and I want to be a mother more than I want that peanut butter pie.
I refocused my goals and wrote them out on paper to see every day in front of me. I prepared for the day and set myself up for success. I woke up with new perspective and vision, knowing that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If you have slipped up, gained weight, started binge eating again, stopped working out, or given up completely, I am going to ask you a few questions.
- WHY did you slip up/give up/gain weight? (Was it emotions, boredom, not seeing results, something that happened, something someone said?)
- What is your WHY? (Why do you want to get healthy? To feel better, to fit in clothes better, to have children, to be a better spouse, to improve discipline?)
- What is stopping you? (I guarantee you don’t have a good enough answer or excuse)
And that 3rd question is everything. Nothing is stopping you but YOU. But maybe there are some logistical things you need to fix that have been hindering you.
Maybe you need to stop hanging out with that one friend who always wants to eat out or eat pizzas all the time. Maybe you need to get rid of the junk food in your house or prep meals differently. Maybe you need to work on your emotional responses to food. Maybe you need to learn hunger cues. Maybe you need to work on boosting your confidence.
But most of all, you need to stop making excuses because they are not good enough.
Your excuses are lame. Sorry!
That’s what I am learning day by day, that my excuses are so dumb that I might as well just put in the work because it will be worth it.
If you ever need encouragement, I am here to help! Remember that you have endless beginnings. Don’t wait until tomorrow, start today! It is a journey and a beautiful one where you will learn more about yourself than you ever though you could.
You have got this, no matter how far off the wagon you have fallen.
