10 WAYS TO BE THE PERFECT WIFE

Determined not to end up as just another failed marriage stat, these 10 ways to be the perfect wife are proven to enhance any marriage or prepare you for the one you will step into in the future. No spouse is perfect, but there is nothing wrong with striving to be the perfect wife. I’m not talking about a “stepford”, cookie-cutter wife, but a real and genuine wife, that every husband is proud to call his own.

In the movies, you see the girl and boy fall madly in love, and deep within you, a longing for that kind of intimate love is awakened. I played roles of such becoming brides, such as Sophie in Mamma Mia and Julia in Wedding Singer, getting my little taste of the bridal process by simply pretending to be a bride. Throughout my twenties, I read books and attended seminars on marriage, learning everything I possibly could from women I looked up to, all in preparation for the day I would finally become a wife. 

But nothing prepared me for what actual marriage would be like. It is one of the most wonderful and rewarding things I have ever been blessed with but it comes with its fair share of hard and tough moments too. Having another whole human being’s life eternally attached to yours can be hard to manage. We all have baggage and join our lives together with that baggage. I’ve come to learn and grow so much during the short time I’ve been married and it would be just plain rude not to share my revelations with you! There is no such thing as a perfect wife, but we can try to be the best version of ourselves we can be in marriage. Whether you are single, engaged or have been married for years, I believe that some of these things will resonate deep inside you, to prepare to become a wonderful wife or to better the marriage you already have.

1. LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS

Love unconditionally. Sounds easy enough, right? Marriage is full of heightened emotions, vulnerability, and change. Marriage does not mean that everything in your life has suddenly become right and life is perfect. It is hard. There are a lot of tears, hard decisions, adapting to new habits and lifestyles that come with this kind of covenant relationship.

Through all of this transition, things will come up, buttons will be pushed, ideas will be challenged, but the key is to love unconditionally–or love without conditions. Learning to love no matter what condition your husband may be in and no matter what circumstance or emotion he may be in (whether that’s angry, sad, doubtful, excited) is one of the biggest keys to marriage success.

He will feel a sense of comfort knowing that you love him no matter what mood or situations of life come up. There will be times where your husband says things he doesn’t mean or makes you feel a certain way, but in the back of your mind (and with your actions), be consistent in loving him despite all of that. It instills a sense of trust in him and a knowledge that he has you supporting him when he cannot express himself properly all the time. It gives him the freedom to be himself and feel what he feels without there being consequences for his emotions.

2. RESPONSE AND REACTION

This is HUGE and it goes for all human beings…every response and every reaction has a reason behind it. Maybe to you, your husband feels controlling, angry, or overly sarcastic. Why do you think he is being that way? Is there something from his past that causes him to act that way? Is he acting out of an internal wound that hasn’t healed or is there something he’s trying to compensate that he’s insecure about? I have to ask myself these same questions, especially being that I’m an over-emotional person by nature.

I get angry sometimes and it doesn’t even have to do with my husband, but something inside of me that I need to work out. It’s about how you respond to your husband and really, how you respond to everything that is thrown at you in life. Am I responding in faith? In hope? In frustration? Dig deep and learn to correct wrong responses within yourself. And be understanding that your spouse has things they struggle with too, even if they aren’t verbal about them all the time.

3. SHOW IT TO GROW IT

Do you want your relationship to blossom? Do you crave that passionate and intimate marriage? 

You have to show your husband that you want him, because that could just be the key for him to initiate more romance. This could be simply by making him lunch before he heads off to work, holding his hand in public, complimenting him, leaving a little note somewhere for him to find. He wants to know that you adore him, respect him, are still attracted to him, no matter how long you’ve been married. Never be afraid to communicate your thoughts and feelings to him because he may just be oblivious, as most men tend to be!

4. HE CAN’T READ MY MIND?

In the beginning of our marriage, I wondered why isn’t he doing this or saying that? I had to come to the cold hard realization that he’s not a mindreader. He doesn’t know that I want to hold his hand when we are out in public all the time, that I want sexy time right now, or that I want pickles on my grilled cheeses.

How can he know all these things if I never tell him? I have to communicate my thoughts and desires to him if he’s ever going to know those desires exist. That does not mean you will get everything you want, but it will make him aware that you have those things on your mind. Majority of the time, they just don’t know! Sometimes you may have to communicate things to him more than once and that’s okay! The key is just sharing your heart and communicating in a healthy way (without getting overly emotional).

5. DO THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO DO

Serve him. This is easier said than done, because it requires effort on your part. Go out of your way to do things for him that you don’t necessarily feel like doing. This was a huge one for me when I got married. Before we are married, our own self is our biggest priority. When you get married, priorities shift and life becomes all about self-sacrifice. I challenge you to do something today that you don’t feel like doing for your spouse. Get up extra early to make them breakfast before they head into work, do an activity that they love, cook up a romantic dinner or clean up the house a bit. A little goes a long way and your husband will notice when you put in extra effort (with a good attitude). It makes his life easier in some aspects and he feels the respect and love he longs for.

6. LOVE + RESPECT

Love and respect go hand in hand. The most heartfelt, meaningful part of our wedding vows was when my husband promised to love me just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25).

Men desire respect, it is one of the biggest things they want. When your husband loves you and shows you that love on a normal basis, respect for them as a woman comes so naturally. When he feels respected, he can love you better. It is a weird circle where the more you respect your husband, the better he can love you and the more love you feel, the more you respect him, and so on. It’s a never ending cycle. Men’s tanks are fueled by respect, women live off of love.

“A woman loved by her husband will grow in loveliness. A man respected by his wife will become more respectable.” It’s not always easy all the time because as humans, we are all flawed. Both love and respect can produce powerful change. We don’t always show love or respect 100% of the time, but I encourage you to respect your husband and who he is and see how your love life blossoms.

7. SHUT YOUR MOUTH

That sounds pretty harsh, right? By shutting your mouth, I’m simply advising you just to listen. Listen to what he says, what concerns him, where his struggles lie. Whether your husband is a gabber by nature or more so less talkative, don’t always feel the need to talk and fill the silence.

Get on his level, do some of his favorite activities and watch him open up. Don’t feel the need to always give advice or come up with a solution to every problem. Sometimes men (and women) want to talk about stuff without having a resolution. Maybe even ask, do you just want a listening ear or are you wanting a solution? Majority of the time, people just want to be heard and tend to solve their own problems just by talking to someone about them. Be a safe place for your husband to speak his mind without you butting in with your opinion every five seconds.

8. FOLLOWING THE LEADER

Let him lead. As a man, it is his Biblical job to lead the family. As hard as it may be, don’t take the reigns. You’re stealing his job away, no matter how strong of a woman you may be. I’m all for girl power, but men were designed in such a way that they are created to lead, despite their personalities. This goes back to love and respect. When he loves you and you respect him, it becomes easier for you to go with his decisions and promptings.

As hard as it may be, one of the best ways to be a perfect wife is to put him first before yourself. Selflessness is one of the biggest refiners in a marriage. It makes you better and strengthens your weaknesses. Marriage will bring out your biggest weaknesses and somehow, you balance those out in each other. Where I’m weak, he is strong and vice versa. It makes us both better when we look at it from that perspective.

9. FAITHFUL IN ALL THINGS

Before I got married, I prayed for specific things. (Read about how I knew he was the one) I asked God to give me eyes only for my husband. Every man before I met my husband had some kind of irrefutable flaw. Now, nobody is perfect, don’t get that mistaken. But my sister said something so profound in her Maid of Honor speech that continually rings in my head, “whoever Sierra married, had to be a celebrity to her”.

When I realized that Brandon was “the one” for me, was the moment I realized there was nothing about him I could ever pick apart or hate about him. He is my celebrity, my forever crush, and I adore him. When I married him, I made an internal and external vow to be faithful all of my days.

The family that you’ve created with your spouse becomes first priority. This means re-configuring your friendships, lifestyle, boundaries, how you act and what you do. I told Brandon one day that everything I do, whether he is there or not, he will be proud of. Ask yourself, “If my husband was here right now, would he be okay with what I’m saying or doing?”  We both live by that. This may sound crazy or even controlling, but think about it… If you both live this way, will you ever have anything to worry about? Protect yourself, your husband, and your marriage. Most importantly, guard your heart and your mind.

10. HAVE YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD FIRST

One of the best ways to be a perfect wife and a woman of God, is having your own personal relationship with Him. A relationship where you talk to God and pursue Him by yourself. Taking the time to pray and be alone with God, is the epitome of a strong woman. It shows that you rely on God first and it takes some pressure off of your husband.

As you seek God daily, it is a reminder for your husband to rely on God first as well. When God is at the center of your marriage, it refocuses the whole relationship upward, causing you both to draw closer to God and each other. This will make decision making easier, family life more joyful, and the days more hopeful.

Be an example to each other. “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for acord of three strands is not easily broken.” (Ecc 4:12). It is not just you and your husband against the world, its the three of you. With God at the center, you’re marriage is unstoppable.

Where do we go from here?

Marriage is far from easy, but everyday can be a new adventure. These are just a few of the many things I’m learning as a wife. Be your husband’s safe place.. You have been entrusted with something so precious. Give it your all and see your relationship blossom.